


Come Back I Still Need You

by MakennaSweets1967



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I’m sorry, M/M, Sobbing, Song: Hold On (Chord Overstreet), Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967
Summary: The Angels have fallen, Cas is newly human, Dean is still mad.It was an accident the first time it happened, Castiel was just making a sandwich and the knife cut into his finger. He winced in pain as the blood trickled down his hand but he realized it felt good it distracted him from the thoughts raging inside his head.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Destiel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Come Back I Still Need You

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry this is so sad I was listening to hold on and I wrote this. It’s also my first ever fan fiction! Thanks for the read, leave a comment down below about anything thanks 😊

It was an accident the first time it happened, Castiel was just making a sandwich and the knife cut into his finger. He winced in pain as the blood trickled down his hand but he realized it felt good it distracted him from the vile thoughts raging inside his head. 

The next few times weren’t accidents they were distractions. One long one on his hip for the fall. Another right along his arm for losing his grace, for becoming useless to Dean, to Sam. Another and another for external pain, something that brought him heat and comfort. 

Each of the cuts had become harder and harder to conceal, wincing in pain as he did things around the bunker. He stopped for a while, holding back to keep from the brothers worrying, to keep from become an even bigger burden on them. 

That was a mistake, but that’s all he could seem to do, make mistakes and fail the ones he loved. He locked the bathroom door, thinking of how he failed. 

A burden

A defect

Useless 

No longer an angel 

Unloveable 

The words pounded over and over in his head never giving him a reprieve. 

Castiel swiped the knife a crossed his wrist relishing in the pain. Tears stinging his eyes, blood trickling heavy down his arm.

He knew he had gone too far to go back. He thought of Dean the man he loved more than anything, what he must think of him now. Castiel was a defected monster. Each moment he stayed in the bunker he weighed the brothers down. 

He dragged the blade against his stomach blood dripping from the wound. 

He didn’t want to leave Dean but the pain, the eerie numbness that began to creep in felt too good. The cool bathroom tile seeping through his pants, his trench coat soaked in tears. 

He wasn’t even worthy of his trench coat anymore another swipe. Taken Jimmy, an innocent father, just to fail heaven and humanity once again.

Dean and Sam had each other no one else need him anymore. Maybe he would find peace in heaven he wished. Pressing the blade deeply into his skin. 

The world around Castiel blurred, the knife fell onto the tile with a resounding clatter. He hardly noticed pain searing through his arms and stomach. He felt too tired.

He was no longer an Angel of the lord Cas, but a dying monster Castiel.

....

Dean walked through the bunker searching out Cas. He was still upset with Cas disappointed more than anything. But although he’d never admit it, he was glad to have Cas in the bunker without his wings allowing him to fly off. 

Dean knew it was wrong to be in love with an angel, his best friend but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t even care that Cas was in a male vessel. Hello doctor sexy wasn’t just a character but Dean’s crush. It didn’t matter what vessel Cas had taken it was Cas, Cas, Cas. 

Dean shook the thoughts out of his head as quickly as they came. No chick flick moments. He knew Cas could never reciprocate his feeling, how could he Dean was nothing. 

He knocked on Cas’s door before letting himself in but the room was empty. He continued down the hallway. Light shined under the bathroom door. 

“Cas” Dean called in front of the bathroom door. 

Silence

He stood for a moment but just as he was about to walk away he heard a whimper of pain followed by the clatter of something metal. The bathroom door was kicked open before he could even think. 

Cas sat slumped over blood running from cuts all over his body. 

“Cas!” Dean screamed in horror dropping down beside cas. Tears threatening to break loose. 

Loving and fighting  
Accusing  
Denying 

Cas raised his head looking weakly at Dean. Tear tracks down his face his blue eyes almost turning a sickening shade of grey. 

I can’t imagine  
A world with you gone

“Sammy” Dean screamed gripping onto Cas like his life depended on it “no, no, no, I can’t - I can’t lose you, please” 

The joy and the chaos  
The demons we’re made of 

Dean begged, not noticing Sam had arrived his face covered with the same horror. Guilt and fear that’s all Dean felt watching hopelessly as more blood pooled on Cas’s trench coat. 

I’d be so lost  
If you left me alone 

The brothers picked up Cas’s almost lifeless body. Carrying him quickly yet gently to the impala. Dean climbed in the back, not bothering to drive just to hold Cas. 

You locked yourself in the bathroom  
Lying on the floor  
When I breakthrough

Sam sped faster than he ever had to the nearest hospital. Glancing in the mirror, watching Dean sob as he stroked his fingers through Cas’s hair. Shaking, a pain he hadn’t seen in Dean's eyes since it was Sam about to die. 

I pull you in to feel your heartbeat  
Can you hear me  
Screaming  
Please don’t leave me 

Dean couldn’t even make out the world around him. His entire world was a dying Cas. He would never get to tell him that he loved him. Or kiss his lips or even just be around him anymore. Dean sobbed stroking Cas’s unconscious face. 

Hold on  
I still want you  
Come back I still need you 

“Please you can’t do this to me” Dean pleaded for anything for a miracle, hell even for God, his other hand gripping Cas’s tight. As if he was willing Cas’s soul to stay “In-ne-need y-you, I-I wa-nt you” 

Let me take your hand  
I’ll make it right  
I swear to love you all my life 

Dean bolted into the hospital carrying Cas bridal style, almost before Sam could even stop the car. He screamed his voice cracking in pain “help please help” 

Hold on  
I still need you 

Someone quickly helped Cas onto a gurney his blood coated Dean now. Not a single layer was free of his blood. Everything around him spinning, his entire world shrieking with torture worse than demons, worse than leviathan, worse even than hell. 

The long endless highways  
You’re silent beside me  
Driving a nightmare  
I can’t escape from

Dean followed running behind them as the nurses pushed him along. His eyes never once leaving Cas’s. Fear, shock, hate plagued him as he prayed, as he begged. 

Helplessly praying  
The light isn’t fading  
Hiding the shock  
And the chill in my bones 

“Sir please you have to wait here you need to calm down” one of the nurses said but he could hardly hear her, he could hardly hear anything. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean as he lashed against him wanting to be right beside Cas. 

They took you away on a table  
I pace back and forth  
As you lay still 

Sam struggle to contain Dean “You can still see him” Sam repeated over and over. Dean still racked with tremors, but not fighting anymore. The fight gone out of him as he heard the monitor rapidly jumping up and down. 

They pull you in  
To feel you heartbeat 

The doctors work, but there is so much blood. Dean knows it deep down there isn’t much they can do. How could he not have seen it coming. He should have realized Cas was in more pain than he thought. 

Can you hear me screaming  
Please don’t leave me 

Dean paces back and forth running his hand through his hair praying. He eyes never once leaving Cas. The doctors faces drop more as they continue on the monitor getting worse. 

Hold on  
I still want you 

The doctors shake their heads looking at the brothers sympathetically. “I’m sorry we did everything we could. It’s just a matter of time now” 

Come back I still need you. 

“No” dean screamed his voice breaking more than he thought humanly possible tears still falling “get your ass over there and fix him” 

Let me take your hand  
I’ll make it right  
I swear to love you all my life 

Sam holds his brother's shoulders making Dean look him in the eyes. His eyes are also full of sadness and tears. “Go say goodbye” Sam barely chokes out. 

Hold on  
I still need you

Dean holds Cas’s cold hand narrowly avoiding the cuts on his arms. Sadness overtaking everything as he watches his life drain out. “Cas please you can’t leave me. I-I lov-e you” 

I don’t wanna let go  
I know I’m not that strong 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you just how in love I am. I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize that you needed help earlier.” I’m sorry died on his tongue no longer able to speak. Rubbing circles into the back of cas’s hand, placing a soft kiss against his forehead. 

I just wanna hear you saying  
Baby let’s go home 

The monitor flat-lined Cas going limp in Dean's grasp. “No” Dean mumble between sobs and screams falling to his knees beside the gurney. 

Let’s go home  
Yeah, I just wanna take you home 

“Time of death-“ the doctor started but Dean couldn’t hear anything past death as Sam encircled him, his hand still clutching Cas’s cold one. 

Hold on  
I still want you 

Dead that’s what they both were. Dean couldn’t live without Cas. Dean's heart was gone. The life in his eyes was gone. Cas was gone. All there that was left was the pain. Withering on the floor in a hospital, his love beside him cold and lifeless. Soon dean would be too. 

Come back  
I still need you

**Author's Note:**

> Stay strong and keep fighting. There is always a reason to stay, please keep fighting and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here.  
> \- Makenna Sweets


End file.
